"You're an idiot/embarassing/creepy/a retard!"

I'm writing this, because you guessed it, I'm not too happy...

Usually my beefs with the bottom feeders of my wonderful world. But today this is about someone, who ranks pretty high in the useless scale in my opinion, me.

So I had this long practical joke drawn out, and it got my friends pretty excited. But when I finally told them it was just a joke, well yeah it didn't go over as I expected. Not gonna bore you guys with the details, but basically it involved me creating a couple facebook accounts and messaging myself... makes me sound like a huge loser I know, but I thought it would have been funny.

Anyways I got some pretty harsh criticism, about how I can't be trusted, or how I'm an idiot, or how I am fake as shit. It didn't bother me at all (well a little bit). Until I thought about it for a while.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I have absolutely no self respect... or so it seems. I took one bad joke (it was funny when I thought it out...) too far, and all of a sudden I come to a realization. Wow, fuck my life. And as I started prying for reassurance I was even more sad. I realized that all I do is make fun of myself, for attention because I think people think its funny. I realized how much of a loser I am, I'm not doing so hot in school, I haven't worked or payed off any loans for half a year. Besides being somewhat of a clown, I have nothing going for me. I'm just a dog, I have no self respect, and I bark about it every moment I get.

Basically after I trolled myself for a week, I realized that all my problems are not other peoples fault, they are my own... Sure it's a wonderful world, but its a lonely one too because no one can put up with me.

I'm usually optimistic... like with the other bad boys I deal with, I know somewhere in my head that they aren't bad people. But this time, I can't say anything for myself, the way I'm living my life is absolutely pathetic, and the fact that I have a few friends is already pretty amazing. My parents must have been the best in the world if they put up with a stupid kid like me, what am I talking about, I'm fking 21... I should be doing great things with my life. But I can't, because I don't care about any of that, all I want to do is pull pranks, and tell dirty/racist jokes.

I'm not good for anything, good for nothing. All I do is offend people around me, even my friends, all I do is offend them or embarrass them and myself. Sure it's funny sometimes, but usually it's just me making an ass of myself. And that's probably why no one can put up with me.

I want to change... I really do. It's funny, I usually say I'm proud of immaturity. I'm still stuck as a 15 year old, seeking attention the only way I can, by being a douchebag, because I have nothing else.

That's the way I saw myself today... and it better change soon for the sake of everyone.

Goodluck and Godbless

-Teddy.